Your Tattoo Sucks

How many times do I have to say this…if you are going to get a portrait tattoo…make sure you go to a damn good artist…or you end up with a scary spawn of Satan. Thanks Bocephus T. Rex for the submission.

You really have to watch out for those armpits…sometimes…they have sharks…and those sharks eat babies.  I’ve seen one.  Once.  Don’t believe I’ve seen a shark in an armpit eating a baby?  Er…I guess would that be a “SharkPit” eating a baby?  I’m getting ahead of myself…damnit I do that a lot…and I have a tendency [...]

A lot of folks get portrait tattoos of their family or their pets…rarely does it ever turn out well…this one is no exception.  One, two, three times the family tattoo fail with this one.  The daughters and wife certainly look less than thrilled to be posing for this picture.

What in the name of all that is holy is this?  Why is this Andy Richter looking chubby cherub sitting all calm and relaxed in his nakedness with his arm casually propped up?  And what is that orange stuff under his hand and elbow?  This little fat winged bastard doesn’t even look centered.  I bet [...]

This…haunts my nightmares.  Seriously.  Look at it…just don’t look in the eyes.  This is some super scary stuff.  I’m gonna guess that the intent was a nice tattoo of daddy’s little girl…what came out after the tattoo session was something straight out of a freaking Wes Craven movie.  I don’t think I’m gonna sleep tonight.  Or [...]

I’m not really sure what this is…but it freaks the bejeesus out of me.  It’s like a little bald girl…with clown makeup…holding some Texas Chainsaw Massacre looking doll.  Damn.  I’m not gonna sleep well tonight.