Your Tattoo Sucks

What do Star Wars, Darth Maul, Boba Fett, Jabba the Hut, Darth Vader, Stormtrooper, Bib Fortuna (yes I had to look that up…seriously I did…shut up), and a guy with excess back fat have in common?  They are all part of this super geeked out terrible Star Wars tattoo.  I’m really glad he made to sure to include the title in this monstrosity because without it I would have honestly thought it was a Star Trek or Battlestar Galactica tattoo.  I wonder why he didnt put any more tats below the fold.  If he puts another 30 characters on there (looks like there’s room) then it will be relatively similar to this tattoo of hair band logos.  Let me give you a piece of advice pal…if you happen to meet a chick at ComicCon who wants to sleep with you…keep your shirt on…for more reasons than one.  Oh and another pro tip…I’ve been there man…trust me…have her keep hers on too.

Sorry for the rash of Twilight tattoo postings…but tis the season for fandom. Let’s face it, the Twilight New Moon freaks are out and this mess is all over the place.  This one doesn’t actually say Twilight on it, so in that regard I can give it a little respect for not being blatantly obvious with it.  If I didn’t know better I would say this person was a fan of Alice in Wonderland, but I do know better and I know this another lame Twilight tat.  What’s the deal with the top of the arm on the upper right corner?  It looks like a striped pumpkin or something out of Super Mario Bros.

The Twilight lame tattoos just keep on rolling in.  Now this is commitment to the Twilight series…a half back tattoo.  Damn the Twilight obsessed fan nonsense knows no bounds.  Looks like you have all the necessary ingredients here…the apple, chess piece, some kind of feather looking thing, and a ribbon…oh and the most important part…someone with no self esteem.  I’m sure Edward will come running to you in the middle of the night since you have showed your love for him and all his lameass sparkling emo glory.  The only way this tattoo could be any worse would be if you tramp stamped it.  Or placed it on your butt cheek…now that would be a New Moon.

Good ol Sonic the Hedgehog…Sega’s counterattack to Nintendo’s Mario.  He was cool…he had attitude…guys wanted to be his pal and girls wanted to be his gal…unlike this sucktard.  This photo looks like it was taken at a video game convention in 1991…in Paris.  I’m really digging the oversized shades and the little tiny tuft of facial hair on the chin (guessing that’s all he can sprout).  Nice failed macho attitude too.  That little squirrel buddy of Sonic can pull off more ‘tude than you pal.  This entire ensemble is so bad…I’m expecting Rick Astley to pop out and Rick Roll this post.

Just about everyone in the 25 and up age bracket that played original NES  knows about the Contra code to give you unlimited lives (technically was only 99 but if you couldn’t beat that game with 99 lives then you are an idiot and don’t need to be playing video games anyway).  In fact, I would be willing to argue that the Contra code is the single most widely known video game cheat code ever created.  Now I love me some Contra…but would I ever get the code tattooed on my person…hells no.  And, if it pleases the court, I would like to object…the original Contra game was never on the Nintendo Gameboy so that code would have never been valid…unless the code worked for later Contra games.  If so, someone please correct me there. 

Oh and I know it has nothing to do with the Contra tattoo…but doesn’t the shape of her belly button and that mole form together a perfect question mark?

Top 10 things that will cause me to lose a boner while tagging you from behind:

1. Your dog licks my ass
2. You fart
3. You ask if I remember what your name is
4. You tell me you love me
5. I spill my beer
6. You ask if you dad can join
7. Whiskey
8. You or I puke
9. I get hungry
10. You have a really long bible verse tattooed across your lower back that I have to try and read in my drunken state in the dark